The withered flower

Just married

xantika | June 15, 2009 08:41

 

Sometimes I go bed thinking about hope, about magic, about happiness. Sometimes I bealive in redemptition. I didn't bealive in fairytales, until I got inside the dark world of sadness... because I needed something really special, really magic to hold and not to suicide.

When I was younger I was interned into a psychiatric hospital.... my parents were sure that I was crazy... I just was sad... The doctors couldn't do anything to save my soul. I lost my hope for many years. And then I met him... and then I lost him... and now, I have a chance, for once, to be happy... we got married on saturday; it is just the first part of a large process.

On august we are going to get a ceremony and a party and a honey moon trip and then... reality.It's on my own to do it well. I need to let dead behind (it sounds so weird). It is time to live; he deserves a better thing than a dying child by his side.  I'm so embarassed about my secret... I feel as if I were cheatering him because of my silence. I love him so much, and I am miserable for being so weak... yes, I did it again, I was doing well, nearly 2 weeks without episodes.... and then it just happened again.... Im so exhausted of the "agains". I just want to stop and restart a new life...

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Congratulations :)

selma | 06/15/2009, 13:21

Hello Xantika. Thanks for your comment. It is true that we have to keep trying again and again. Eventually in the long run, we will improve. Any improvement is better than where we were at before. Congratulations on your marriage. I wish all the best for you and your husband.
-Selma

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